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Her willingness to share her innermost feelings, leaves audiences walking away ignited, deeply inspired and “hungry” for more!

If These Balls Could Talk is the brainchild of New York-born, Texas-raised entertainer Carolann Valentino. The true-life musical tale is based on Valentino’s own journey as an aspiring female artist of Italian descent who leaves Texas to pursue a theatrical career in The Big Apple. Her day job at a high-end steakhouse quickly accelerates from a training position to management, and the theatrical dream takes a backseat to the demands of running a $40 million restaurant catering to the illustrious and elite. Her experiences in this male-dominated industry teach her invaluable life lessons that help transform her life and give her the confidence to walk away from the corporate world and into the spotlight.


An abundance of quirky characters, musical parody and karmic comedy are the reasons the show has received rave reviews and more than 15 awards in its sold-out international and Off-Broadway tour. The emotional honesty of Carolann’s performance is a key factor in making this show a success.

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"Carolann Valentino's hilariously fearless If These Balls Could Talk – a whirlwind tour, and well worth the ride."

– Broadway World, DC

"She floods the stage with larger-than-life characters, keeping audiences engaged for the entire performance- hysterical!"

– Broadway World


That inspiring combination of resolve, ambition, and guts is just what Carolann Valentino is made of, and she drives this point home in the premiere of her one-woman musical comedy Burnt at the Steak. Portraying a menagerie of eclectic characters and with a ton of vivacious energy, Carolann Valentino, "The ItalIan Rose of Texas," commands the spotlight, makes us laugh, and shares her story. 


Her song and dance routines are engaging and hysterical. Likewise, she leaves the audience rolling as a woman crooning to the melody of "Moon River" about her choice to not wear undergarments. Carolann Valentino's energy and passion for performing is indefatigable. She floods the stage with larger-than-life characters, keeping audiences engaged for the entire performance. In the end, she ties it all together with an inspirational take-home message about living your dreams.

David Clarke

Broadway World

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I worked with Carolann as a director on her outrageously hilarious one-woman show, Burnt at the Steak. I had never encountered such a versatile, multi talented, energetic performer as Carolann in all my 18 years of work in major theaters. It was watching a creative wizard masterfully command an audience in the most loving and captivating way. Witnessing her perform her truly magical self was a lesson in bold creativity and commitment to artistic integrity.

Maya Rose Kruger

Director|NYU|Broadway Bound Playwright

See Burnt at the Steak. Go see it, tonight. Why are you still reading this? You should be watching Burnt at the Steak. From the life experience of Carolann Valentino, comes the greatest musical comedy I have seen in years. This is a delightful play. Every joke lands, you get to see song parody at its finest. This is why people like one-woman shows. This is a show with a very simple message “follow your dreams,” and it doesn’t feel trite in the least. The best $50 you will ever spend. The story centers around Carolann’s life managing a very classy New York City Steakhouse. She performs as 18 hilarious characters. Her personality carries you through an exciting evening that has the audience laughing and looking around to make sure other people are laughing. The musical numbers are perfect, an exquisite use of musical theatre. They are all parodies and, again, the audience is invited to sing along. With titles like “No Nickers” and “Big Fat Daddy” it is hard not to. Carolann only allows herself one moment to indulge in saccharine sentimentality and then quickly pulls back and ends the show by doing what she does best, tell jokes. This is going to be the best show of the Fringe Festival, see it as soon as you can – so that you can see it a second time.

David Curry

The Charlebois Post

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